March 16, 2026

So you dreamt of being a pilot
But you never got to fly
So you dreamt of sailing the seven seas
But never got to try
Well, let navy lads get soaking
We'll all stay nice and dry
We shout to all the soldiers, "Jump"
And hear them shout, "How high?"
For we were made to give the orders
While lesser men take heed
For some were born to follow
But we were born to lead
Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to MI5
You're sure to save the nation
Nann… read the rest.

So you dreamt of being a pilot
But you never got to fly
So you dreamt of sailing the seven seas
But never got to try
Well, let navy lads get soaking
We'll all stay nice and dry
We shout to all the soldiers, "Jump"
And hear them shout, "How high?"
For we were made to give the orders
While lesser men take heed
For some were born to follow
But we were born to lead
Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to MI5
You're sure to save the nation
Nanny told me in my cot
"For your father gave you courage"
Also ponies, and that yacht
My centuries of breeding
I know they'll fail me not
For fortune favours bravery
And a fortune's what I've got
Oh, yes, some boys go to battle
But we're a different breed
For some were born to follow
But we were born to lead
We are the masters (we are the masters)
We are the clever men who hold the reins
For who needs guns when you've got brains
You'll see forever after (forever after)
And when this war is done and fades to dust
The world will turn and say to us
That we were born to lead
When I was a young explorer (yes)
I discovered a new breed of trout (what?)
It leapt into my kayak and just briefly knocked me out (sorry, what?)
The feeling was quite magical when it slapped me on the mouth
It made the local papers, "Rare Fish Attacks Boy Scout"
It's still my proudest moment
Of that I have no doubt
For some were born to follow
But I was born to find trout
Right, uh, new to MI5, are you?
Uh, no, I've worked here for six years
Oh, right
Yes, you're drinking out of my mug
Oh, right
It's, uh, got a picture of my face on it
Oh, right!
Charles Cholmondeley, scientist
Ewen Montagu, Naval Intelligence
I know
Of course, you do
Well, we know who to call if we there's a fish mishap
Ladies, better keep you're eyes on this chap
Come on, men, we've Hitlers to dispatch
Quite right, lads, but the problem is that
All of mainland Europe is under Adolf's thumb
So we're staging our invasion and the countdown has begun
Our sights are set on Sicily, that stronghold of the Hun
But the island's packed with a hundred thousand German men with guns
And if we cannot storm the beaches
It's sure to spell defeat
If the muscle-men can't do it
Call the masters of deceit
Morning, gentlemen!
Oh, Colonel Bevan sir
Watch out, boys, the big boss is here
Welcome to military deception
Now, as you all know, the next allied invasion target is Sicily
And the key to invading Sicily is not invading Sicily
I'm sorry, what?
Or at least that's what the enemy is going to think
We're going to convince the Germans
That we're headed for somewhere else instead
Sardinia, to be exact
Oh, uh, a misdirection
Exactly!
So we're going to win this war with a magic trick?
How else do we make a hundred thousand German troops disappear?

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