March 7, 2026

March 9, 2011 (Holy !@#$, I feel old.)

> When once distant UFOs become a terrifying threat and an alien invasion force begins attacking Earths major costal and riverside cities, a U.S Marine staff sergeant and his team are sent into battle only to find they must take it upon themselves to defeat an unknown enemy and protect what remains of Los Angeles.

Look, I enjoyed "Battle: Los Angeles (2011)" for what it was. It was a'ight. Likewise, th… read the rest.

March 9, 2011 (Holy !@#$, I feel old.)

> When once distant UFOs become a terrifying threat and an alien invasion force begins attacking Earths major costal and riverside cities, a U.S Marine staff sergeant and his team are sent into battle only to find they must take it upon themselves to defeat an unknown enemy and protect what remains of Los Angeles.

Look, I enjoyed "Battle: Los Angeles (2011)" for what it was. It was a'ight. Likewise, this movie is also a'ight.

I will say though, that the U.S. military propaganda feels more in your face here. Also, Alan's acting feels off sometimes, especially in his final speech.

P.S. In case all of that went over your head, I'm saying "War Machine (2026)" is literally "Battle: Los Angeles (2011)".

Go 'head. Watch the two movies back to back, side by side, then come back and tell me it ain't the same movie.

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March 7, 2026

Just in time for the US's war of aggression in Iran comes "War Machine."

A bravado ridden affair where the US military rules the world and its working class tough guys (and one girl) take on all aggressors, including giant 80's-style VCR-like UFOs with legs, missiles, and ray guns.

Viewed as simplistic military action, entertainment its alright. Lots of people get killed in grisly style, and things go "ka-boom."

In summary, given the c… read the rest.

Just in time for the US's war of aggression in Iran comes "War Machine."

A bravado ridden affair where the US military rules the world and its working class tough guys (and one girl) take on all aggressors, including giant 80's-style VCR-like UFOs with legs, missiles, and ray guns.

Viewed as simplistic military action, entertainment its alright. Lots of people get killed in grisly style, and things go "ka-boom."

In summary, given the current war mongering climate US military propaganda is unsurprisingly front and center in this basic sci-fi war film. A mediocre watch.

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March 9, 2026

War Machine (2026) is a standout for anyone who appreciates a straightforward, high-tension film that avoids the typical political traps of the military genre. It delivers a raw experience by focusing on the physical and mental endurance of the characters rather than pushing a specific agenda or narrative.

Alan Ritchson brings a grounded intensity to the role of "81," making the transition from a grueling Ranger selection process to a sci-fi s… read the rest.

War Machine (2026) is a standout for anyone who appreciates a straightforward, high-tension film that avoids the typical political traps of the military genre. It delivers a raw experience by focusing on the physical and mental endurance of the characters rather than pushing a specific agenda or narrative.

Alan Ritchson brings a grounded intensity to the role of "81," making the transition from a grueling Ranger selection process to a sci-fi survival scenario feel surprisingly realistic. The film excels because it stays focused on the technical aspects of the situation—how the squad adapts to an unknown threat with limited resources and sheer willpower.

The lack of propaganda is one of its strongest points; it doesn't try to lecture the audience or romanticize the conflict beyond the survival of the men on the ground. It is pure, high-stakes cinema that relies on atmosphere and pacing to keep you invested.

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March 14, 2026

A simple action film starring muscleman Alan Ritchson, known from the DC series Titans and Reacher. A visibly aged Dennis Quaid also makes a cameo appearance. All in all, it's a straightforward and bloody film. The characters remain nameless, identified only by numbers. The film is entertaining but lacks depth, requiring careful attention.

March 16, 2026

Read at Screenopolis: https://screenopolis.com/reviews/war-machine-burns-hot-goes-nowhere

War Machine is the latest Netflix movie glorifying American tough guys kickin’ ass. The plot is familiar: alien comes to earth, bad-ass soldiers are deployed, carnage ensues, tough-guy outsmarts the alien, ho-rah America!

War Machine has been compared a lot to Predator, not only because the plot is similar, but also because it features current Arnold S… read the rest.

Read at Screenopolis: https://screenopolis.com/reviews/war-machine-burns-hot-goes-nowhere

War Machine is the latest Netflix movie glorifying American tough guys kickin’ ass. The plot is familiar: alien comes to earth, bad-ass soldiers are deployed, carnage ensues, tough-guy outsmarts the alien, ho-rah America!

War Machine has been compared a lot to Predator, not only because the plot is similar, but also because it features current Arnold Schwarzenegger-esque tough-guy Alan Ritchson in the lead role. You may remember this mountain of a human from Reacher on Amazon Prime or the zany The Ministry of Ungentlemanly Warfare with Henry Cavill.

Ritchson plays tough-as-rocks engineer/soldier 81. He is a number, not a free man. Ritchson’s character never gets a name. He does not need one. It would only distract you from admiring his bottomless reservoir of pain and grit.

You see, 81 had a brother, played by Jai Courtney. His brother was nameless too, so we will call him Bro. 81 and Bro served in Afghanistan. Bro was cocky. He really wanted to be an Army Ranger with 81, who was weary from being so bad-ass. When Bro’s truck pooped out, 81 was deployed from the 101st Rudimentary Foreshadowing Brigade to lecture him on the 2nd Law of Thermodynamics and clean out his gunked-up radiator.

Then the bad guys bombed them. Bro and 81 are hurt. 81 pulls a massive chunk of metal from his knee, grabs his Bro, and tries to get back to base. Spoiler alert, they do not make it. Bro dead, 81 has hurty knee, cue the grit. So much grit.

Guilty from not saving his Bro, 81 signs up for Ranger tryouts, even though he is 20 years too old, badly injured, and has *gasp* facial hair! Pete Hegseth would shit his vodka-soaked pants if he saw this guy in formation.

After numerous skinny white kids get booted from tryouts, the commander, played by a finger-pointy Dennis Quaid, thinks 81 does not have what it takes to cross the finish line and be a Ranger. He thinks 81 is too bad-ass, and sensitive, and deep, and dreamy.

Rather than kick 81 out, they drop him in the forest with a pack of nobodies to prove his bad-assery. Finally, after all this setup, the alien shows up. The ass-kicking proper gets underway.

Now, here is the problem with this movie: who in the hell cares about Bro or the 2nd Law of Thermodynamics, or Ranger school, or finish lines, or any of the setup? I came here to watch explosions, not emotions and grit.

War Machine‘s lengthy setup is unnecessary and ham-fisted. Watch the first five minutes of Predator (split between these two videos below). Predator accomplishes in minutes (and better) what War Machine burns a half an hour to do (and much worse). It also has awesome theme music from Alan Silvestri.

In walks Arnold, he slaps arms with Dillon, fuck yeah! Let’s do this thing. That is all we need. Arnold is bad-ass, Dillion has a dangerous mission, blah blah blah, cue Long Tall Sally. We ain’t got time to emote. Predator does not waste one nanosecond being anything more than it was, a stupid action movie with paper-thin characters (some of whom are sexual tyrannosauruses). The result is a supremely satisfying movie filled with great one-liners.

War Machine desperately needs to stay in its lane. Nobody wants a meditation on the human condition with a stupid flick like War Machine. We want non-stop alien butt-kicking peppered with corny jokes and latent homosexuality.

Nevertheless, once the alien shows up in War Machine, the movie improves. The attacks are relentless, exhilarating, and bloody. The alien robot racks up an impressive body count in short order. It is pretty bad-ass, although not as bad-ass as 81, who is smart and has all those gigatons of grits. Remember that thermodynamics stuff with Bro? Yeah, that is how you kill an indestructible robot from another world. You shove rocks in its nose until it overheats. Boom.

The only way to enjoy this movie is to totally shut down every part of your critical thinking. If you stick to the spectacle, the movie is fine and enjoyable. If you spend any time thinking about this movie, it sucks rocks.

In addition to the terrible setup, this movie has a worthless cast. None of the supporting characters contribute anything of value. They are your standard-issue “military guys” and a lone bald-headed woman (who is mildly bad-ass until she’s not) direct from central casting. Even Jai Courtney’s role felt as limp and lifeless as his character’s body. Dennis Quaid phones in his role as gruff commander who must be within minutes of mandatory retirement age.

However, the most demoralizing part of this movie is the end – yeah I am going to spoil it. It is for your own good. After killing the unstoppable alien machine, 81 gets back to base. He is triumphantly promoted to Ranger. There is a lot of saluting, back slapping, and fist pumping with fluttering American flags. Woohoo!

Then they send the poor sap back out to fight. Congratulations 81 your reward for surviving is to go right back out and die. No rest. No shower. No plate of tater tots. Get to the chopper and fight the unstoppable killing robot – again. 81’s ending is meant to feel rousing and full of even more grit, but it only feels super depressing.

Aww.

If you can shut off your brain, you might like War Machine. I did enjoy the battle scenes with the alien. However, the movie tries too hard to be more than it is. It wants to go somewhere special but ends up going nowhere.

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April 13, 2026

Was fun, without expectation and breathaking, sometimes with good scenes of action however is only a movie to enjoy in family, not more.

May 5, 2026

**Netflix executive after playing Metal Gear Solid for the first time: "Holy crap, I have the perfect idea for a movie!"**

War Machine is a movie where John Armyman fights a Metal Gear while saying badass one-liners and eating nails for breakfast, because he's that cool and badass - isn't that right kids? Don't you want to sign up to the US army now?

The acting was good and the CGI was passable, but the movie is so unbelievably generic that… read the rest.

**Netflix executive after playing Metal Gear Solid for the first time: "Holy crap, I have the perfect idea for a movie!"**

War Machine is a movie where John Armyman fights a Metal Gear while saying badass one-liners and eating nails for breakfast, because he's that cool and badass - isn't that right kids? Don't you want to sign up to the US army now?

The acting was good and the CGI was passable, but the movie is so unbelievably generic that I have nothing more to say about it. Oh, and it ends on a cliffhanger and teases a sequel in the end.

The movie is also thinly veiled propaganda for the US military that constantly portrays them as badass war heroes that save their country, at a suspicious time when everyone knows they're more about spending billions of tax money bombing poor people they don't like in the middle east. The gruesome death scenes at least entertained me a little bit...

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May 9, 2026

This is a poor remake
Can we just make sure that everyone knows that this is a contemporary reimagining of the Predator-movie with Arnold? Ok? Everyone on board with that? Cool. Then we can continue.

Alan is not Arnold. The actor is large, and he moves well, maybe even better than Arnold, but he has no charisma, and lacks screen presence in this role.

The monster is not the Predator. This is all CGI, which gives it no weight, you cannot in… read the rest.

This is a poor remake
Can we just make sure that everyone knows that this is a contemporary reimagining of the Predator-movie with Arnold? Ok? Everyone on board with that? Cool. Then we can continue.

Alan is not Arnold. The actor is large, and he moves well, maybe even better than Arnold, but he has no charisma, and lacks screen presence in this role.

The monster is not the Predator. This is all CGI, which gives it no weight, you cannot interact with it other than with other cgi things, like pullets and rocks, and it has no personality, reason, motivation. It just is. It is clearly inspired by the Deathbringer in Horizon Zero Dawn computer game, but this one is pretty pale compared to that one too.

The characters are overall pretty forgettable, you do not relate or care for any of them, which makes the stakes lower. The movie is shot well and looks more than ok, but it has no heart.

It is a poor action movie, compared to what it aspires to be, with a poor protagonist, compared to Dutch in Predator, and will be forgotten fairly quickly, as far as movies go.

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